What does make a friend good or bad? The quickest conclusion, however, the bad friends are like the ghosts, they are glued with you by their desires, want to control you and drive you the way they want. Though, their faces are friendly but their intentions are selfish.

The neutral friend: he can’t say neither “no” nor “yes” as he doesn’t have an atom of courage but shifts himself in a snap of a finger where things look profitable to him.

The good friend: he goes by with you on the depth of trust and love. Since when he meets you and till when he leaves you, you are ever free with him. He makes no contracts and no promises, but he can pull you by your nose and can kick on your butt. And on the level of trust and love, you do not feel offended by him.

Just wondering if this is possible with lovers when: their minds become one, their emotions and sensations become one, their memories become one and their Karmas too become one. It’s like A is totally merges into B, and B into A — it’s like they mix each of their glass of water into one, the bigger glass. Now, what A thinks or feels the B knows it, and what B does the A knows it — though they live in different circumstance but share the same database; it’s like they are left and right arm of the same body, whatever happens to the body the arms help.

To the spiritual point of view: the mind, emotions, Karams, memories and energy — all are just the energy varying in the different levels of expression. And a “soul,” the spirit is apart from that, and when a soul knows it and goes beyond the grip of them — it is called moksha, the liberation. Well, here I’m not just talking about liberation, I’m just wondering if the lovers could be one in the above ways. If not, then for what they are the lovers all about?

As flower has its quality of giving smell, irrespective what you do with it — even you crush it under the heel of your foot, it doesn’t leave giving smell. Like this way, the love is a quality, independent to its object, whether the object is good or bad, the quality doesn’t change.

If someone thinks to love someone and side by side to hate someone, then, would it be love? Or, is love the favorable exchange of emotions, thoughts and sexuality? When they are favorable then it is love, otherwise hate or worse!

A mate is required to fulfill physical, emotional and mental needs, a person who has gone beyond the need of them he or she doesn’t need a mate. That’s why most of the spiritual people choose to be single. And if one has all the requirements but choose to remain single, this is the pain, isn’t it? Neither this side nor that side.

Photo: Giovanni Baglione

Here, there is two colors: one is visible, that is known by sayings “I love you, I can’t live without you, You’re my life, etc.,” and doing some visible stuffs, i.e., a hug, few gifts, serving and caring for something, etc. The second love is invisible, though the words are harsh, actions are hurting but they all are governed by the deep love inside, though hard to recognize at a given moment, but later in life that invisible love clears everything.

As I see, the most of the people are driven by the first kind of love, the visible love – as soon as the visibility is gone, the love is gone. Then another partner and another love, and the same thing again.

When we see any fault in our partner, we want to remove him or her from our life, rather wait and help that person to grow and become a far more better person, perhaps we don’t want to grow in ourselves, unless we grow how can be expect our partner to be grown? Or we ever need the person of our “dream,” and in-turn that person expect us to be the “person of his or her dream,” we terribly fail here – when we see perfection everywhere overlooking our own imperfections. It is OK, that life is not about making compromise with imperfections of the other person and to suffer the whole life, but it is not OK to leave other person for his or her imperfections. Play the hard love! The invisible love. Do things to put that person on track. This is not easy to tell how to do things exactly, but under controlled conditions play your role very hard, positively. That with each stroke, that person starts shifting from “this” to “that, where you want his or her life should be,” not as per your fancies of the mind but as per it is ethically correct. It is also possible that the person whom with you are playing hard love, may leave you – but he or she will ever appreciate you that you made his or her life. And it is also possible if he or she has little intelligence, to fall back in your open arms. Whatever the case, you will feel proud of you, as you have been the real lover, you ever wanted good of that person in every way, whether he or she is with you or not.

It is true in your heart and in my heart – without a beautiful relationship, life doesn’t look worth celebrating. Life is all about expression, loving, caring, sharing and enjoying … and with beautiful people these things go in hundred-folds. Though life also gives us lessons by creating things and situations – we never want, but all go easy if relations are good, and particular a relation with our soul-mate, the life partner.

What is a relationship?

There are kinds of relationships and each one is scored differently: in business relationship, the money matters; in personal relationship, emotions matter; in relationship with a neighbor, ethics matter; with closed friend, trust matters. So each relationship has number of bonding factors, which connect two poles or say two people. Here, for convenient sake I just took one factor. Hope, you have understood it well, but more than any bonding factor, the most crucial thing is “Dharma,” which we will talk about later on in this post.

What is divorce ?

Divorce is absence of Dharma, I’d say. But these days Divorce is just derived by “The law of utility,” which says,”If you are not useful to me or I’m not useful to you, anyone can kick-off the other – who likes the unusable things?” This “The law of utility,” is only good when a relationship is just made for “use and throw” purpose whether physically or economically.

What is Dharma?

In this context, the Dharma is a connecting strings which connect one to another, “truly,” “honestly,” “clearly,” “faithfully,” and it has certain duties and responsibilities – irrespective to how the other person behaves, Dharma is independent. But for different relationships, the ingredients of Dharma differ, as each relationship is based on different aspects but identical in its own way. For instance, husband’s Dharma and friend’s Dharma, both are different. But the husband’s Dharma is identical to all the husbands and the friend’s Dharma is identical to all the friends. Same way, a wife’s Dharma is identical to all the wives of the world.

The Problem

When a husband forgets ‘what is a husband’s Dharma,’ and a wife forgets ‘what is a wife’s Dharma,” instead, they start applying “The law of utility,” and start creating a gap for permanently kick-off and cut-off the other. This is what happening in this world, everywhere.

What is a beautiful relationship?

When a relationship is based on “Dharma,” it is a beautiful relationship. The Dharma protects, guides, gives satisfaction and tells,” You are on the right path, you do not need to fear anybody; where there is Dharma, there is God.” And, Dharma applies in all the relationships whether they are parents, life-partners, business people, friends, neighbors or politicians etc. “Dharma,” is the root of everything, if it is weak – no relationship can neither survive long-last nor can give a sense of fulfillment.

Your home work

Whether you are a husband or a wife, or a friend of someone. Try to write down what is your “Dharma” for that particular relationship. If you and your partner, both are able to understand this “Dharma,” I guarantee you, your relationship will become beautiful, or more beautiful, without going away to each other.

It is the emotion where a person lands after being hurt or insulted. And this emotion is one of the crucial factors to check the conscious level of a spiritual person, or other entity.

As far as when ego exists the fall-back emotions are dangerous, usually with the strategies of fight and revenge … anger and jealousy … and, depression and curse.

When, there is no ego, the fall-back emotions are usually the type of love and compassion — as Jesus Christ had.

Some like to express their love by gifts, flowers or arranging other things — it is visual. Some don’t feel loved until you say in their ears that you love them — it is auditory. And, some don’t feel loved until you hug them — it is kinesthetic.

While in a relationship it is better to know the taste of our partner. These small-small issues give more flavors and make a relationship more exciting and comforting.

This is not interesting, but threatening. When people don’t have senses, and think what they are doing is right and their self-referral quality is just ego based. In-fact everyone has the problem high or low, and the problems of husband and wife relationship are too sensitive. Others listen for fun, not for the solution. It’s okay to talk with 1 or 2 the most reliable and understood friends but to a certain limit or to take professional council, but talking problem with everyone is like publishing in the newspaper. Chanakaya said right “Don’t tell your secrets to others, they will destroy you.” The matter between husband and wife when disclosed to everyone ruins the relationship. This is serious matter, each of the life partner should be careful about this, otherwise they not only ruin the relationship but ruin the lives of their children too.

Energy has movement; either it will go outside and waste, or it will go within, raise the consciousness and make a man God-like.
Attraction sends energy outside, to an object. The more we are attracted, the more energy we lose. In case of attraction to many people, there is terrible loss in energy, the mental energy.

But, the exception is, the attraction to God always sends the energy within, to the source.